Well, Actually
Intro
Verse 1
I'm the one who's in the comments at a quarter after two,
with a footnote and a link and a correction just for you.
If you say "I could care less," I'll explain you mean you couldn't,
and you called the monster Frankenstein, and, honey, that you shouldn't.
A tomato is a fruit, and a peanut's not a nut,
and a strawberry's no berry, but a banana is. Tut-tut.
And the Vikings wore no horns, and a bat can see just fine,
and I'll link you to the study. It's the third one down the line.
Chorus
Well, actually! Well, actually!
It's a common misconception!
Well, actually! Well, actually!
There's a footnote and exception!
And she hasn't been invited back to dinner since July,
but she's right, and she's right, and she's right, and here is why:
Verse 2
Now the bull's not mad at red, it's the waving he can't stand,
and a goldfish keeps a memory for months, you understand,
and the lightning strikes the same place twice as often as it can,
and you mustn't say "PIN number." That's a number number, ma'am.
Mount Everest is tallest if you measure from the sea,
but from base to peak, it's Mauna Kea—
Yes. I know. Nobody asked me.
Chorus
Well, actually! Well, actually!
It's a common misconception!
Well, actually! Well, actually!
There's a footnote and exception!
And she hasn't been invited back to dinner since July,
but she's right, and she's right, and she's right, and here is why:
Verse 3
Then a stranger in the replies, with a frog for an avatar,
wrote, "Well, actually..." to me, and I thought, "Oh, here we are."
And he cited his citation, and his source was better sourced,
and I sat there in the lamplight like a jockey who's unhorsed.
He's right! He's right!
Oh, the shame of it! The scandal! She's been wrong all along!
Bridge
And I'll tell you something true, now that nobody can see:
when the world got far too big and far too wrong for little me,
I fixed what I could fix, every comma, every date.
It's a small kind of order when the big kind comes too late.
So forgive me when I hover with my footnotes and my pen.
I just like to set one small thing right, now and then.
Also, it's "fewer," not "less."
Final Chorus
Well, actually! Well, actually!
It's a common misconception!
Well, actually! Well, actually!
There's a footnote and exception!
And she'll never be invited back to dinner, it is true,
but she's right, and she's right, and she's right—
...mostly.
Outro
Citation needed.