We Saved Women's Sports
Intro
Five trans girls.
Maybe ten.
Somewhere in the state.
Right. Every daughter to the clinic.
Verse 1
Your doctor used to check your heart,
Your breathing and your knees.
Now sport's a branch of border force:
Your girlhood papers, please.
A note about anatomy,
Or hormones. Genes will do.
We've built a whole investigation
Round the possibility of you.
Pre-Chorus
Just make a little phone call.
Just miss a little pay.
Just pay a little extra.
Just watch her walk away.
Chorus
We saved women's sports!
Get your daughter checked.
We can't be having girls out here
Whose girlhood we suspect.
To stop five girls who might have played,
We'll put them all in line.
If yours decides she'd rather quit,
The system's working fine!
Verse 2
The clinic's booked till February.
Your mother's on a shift.
The forms are due on Friday.
You'll need another lift.
We've put a hurdle round the hurdles.
We've put a fee on fun.
We haven't bought a second football,
But look at what we've done!
Pre-Chorus
It's just a little paperwork.
It's just a little test.
It's just a little childhood.
We know what's for the best.
Chorus
We saved women's sports!
Get your daughter checked.
We can't be having girls out here
Whose girlhood we suspect.
To stop five girls who might have played,
We'll put them all in line.
If yours decides she'd rather quit,
The system's working fine!
Verse 3
That one's tall. That one's muscular.
That one's got a jaw.
That one's never worn a dress.
There ought to be a law.
That one's fast. That one's a tomboy.
That one's cut her hair.
Somebody's dad has got a feeling.
Your body's our affair.
Of course we trust our daughters.
We just need independent verification.
Bridge
She asked, “Isn't my body mine?”
We said, “There's been a vote.”
Then used her smiling photograph
Beside our safeguarding quote.
Final Chorus
We saved women's sports!
Not a tomboy left in sight.
No broad shoulders. No cropped hair.
Everybody looks just right.
The game was called for lack of girls.
The trophy's yours to keep.
You've finally found a girls' team
That doesn't make a peep.
Outro
No changing rooms.
No proper coach.
But every girl
Beyond reproach.
Five girls who might have played.
A state of girls afraid.
Girls can be anything.
Pending approval.