Javert in a Cubicle
Intro
Verse 1
I paid my premiums for years like a law-abiding fool,
then I got sick and filed my claim, just like it says in the rules.
Now a man up on the Rock has got my number on his desk,
and he's hunted me across the years like I'm a fugitive at best.
Chorus
He's Javert in a cubicle,
he's the law without the badge.
He don't care if I'm dyin',
he just wants his money back.
I'm Valjean with a claim number.
Every year he finds my trail.
I could die here in this bed,
and he'd ask for proof by mail.
Verse 2
He saw a track go up one Saturday, five minutes, drag and drop.
He never saw me in my bed, just a timestamp on a laptop.
He wrote, "The claimant's highly capable," from a number on a screen,
like five minutes on a good day makes a full-time working machine.
He picks the doctors that he likes, and he picks the words they say,
and every time the check comes due, he finds a reason to delay.
Chorus
He's Javert in a cubicle,
he's the law without the badge.
He don't care if I'm dyin',
he just wants his money back.
I'm Valjean with a claim number.
Every year he finds my trail.
I could die here in this bed,
and he'd ask for proof by mail.
Verse 3
In the old book, the convict met a bishop at the door,
got the silver and the candlesticks, and a chance to live once more.
Me, I got a form letter and a file that's three feet wide,
and a man who reads the fine print like there's mercy hid inside.
Bridge
But you know how that story ends.
The hunter never wins.
Valjean dies a free man
with the people that he loves,
and the inspector's just a footnote
nobody's thinking of.
Final Chorus
He's Javert in a cubicle,
he's the law without the badge.
He don't care if I'm dyin',
he just wants his money back.
Well, I'm Valjean with a claim number,
and I'll die before I fail,
and when I'm gone, tell the Rock
I sent my proof by mail.
Outro
Claim status: pending.
Still pending.