Cutlass Compliance
Intro
Verse 1
Now I've sailed these seas for twenty years with a cutlass in me hand,
the terror of the seven seas, the scourge of every land,
till the Company sent a rowboat with a lady an' a binder,
an' a laminated handbook, an' a calendar reminder.
Now me crew's been through the training, an' they've learned a brand-new song,
an' every word I ever knew, they tell me now, is wrong.
Chorus
Heave, ho!
Heave, ho!
Yo, ho, ho, an' a bottle o' rum!
Verse 2
So I climbed the quarterdeck an' hollered, All hands on deck!
We sail at dawn for booty, an' I'll wring the next one's neck!
So I shivered all me timbers, an' I bellowed out, Avast!
An' they handed me a pamphlet that was thicker than the mast.
Chorus
Heave, ho!
Heave, ho!
Yo, ho, ho, an' a bottle o' rum!
Verse 3
Now the plank's a Performance Improvement Plan with a thirty-day review,
an' the parrot's in a workshop on the words he shouldn't use,
an' the rum's been swapped for kombucha, an' it tastes like feet an' brine,
an' we can't go plunder anyone till Legal's signed the line.
Chorus
Heave, ho!
Heave, ho!
Yo, ho, ho, an' a bottle o' rum!
Bridge
But I'll tell ye somethin' strange, an' I'll only say it once.
Nobody's walked the plank all year. We've all been paid for months.
The cabin boy got dental, an' the scurvy's nearly gone,
an' I've never seen 'em smile like this, so maybe she weren't wrong.
Don't push it.
Final Chorus
Heave, valued crew member!
Heave, valued crew member!
Yo, an' a responsibly portioned beverage!
Now the ship is takin' water!
Outro
Heave... ho.