Can't Run This
Intro
(Help desk!)
Verse 1
Help desk, nine a.m., my coffee's still hot,
first call's a fella with a download he got.
It's a D-M-G file, and he's on Windows Ten,
double-clicked it twenty times, then he clicked it again.
He said, It's just a file, why won't it just go?
I said, Sir, that's a Mac thing. He said, How would I know?
Chorus
That's a Windows dot-E-X-E on a Mac!
A D-M-G on a PC? Send it back!
A Linux binary in PowerShell? Nah!
Built for ARM on an Intel box? Ha!
Wrong machine!
Wrong OS!
Verse 2
Then a Linux guy calls, says he's smarter than me,
got a setup dot-E-X-E and a sudo spree.
Typed sudo three times like a magic spell,
got exec format error and a terminal yell.
I said, Try a little Wine, it'll help it run.
He poured merlot on the laptop. Now we're done.
Chorus
That's a Windows dot-E-X-E on a Mac!
A D-M-G on a PC? Send it back!
A Linux binary in PowerShell? Nah!
Built for ARM on an Intel box? Ha!
Wrong machine!
Wrong OS!
Verse 3
Then a Mac user calls with a brand-new chip,
got a Windows game from two thousand and six.
Pop-up says it's damaged, should be moved to the Trash,
so she emptied the whole Trash, and her thesis, in a flash.
Breakdown
Check the arch! (Check the arch!)
Check the OS! (Check the OS!)
Read the README!
Ch-mod plus X!
Verse 4
Then my mama calls, says, Honey, help me see,
got an invoice in my email from a company.
It's called invoice dot P-D-F dot E-X-E.
Should I open it? I said, Mama, listen to me!
Final Chorus
Mama, step away from the mouse!
That's not an invoice, that's a robber in the house!
Don't you click it, don't you open, don't you download!
Unplug the router, throw the laptop in the road!
Wrong machine!
Right machine!
Outro
Ticket closed. Works on my machine.