Anything But Metric

Intro

Verse 1

Now some nations use a meter, an' some countries use a gram,
but we're free folks in America, an' we measure how we can.
So we chose the finest ruler that the good Lord ever grew:
it's yellow, an' it's curvy, an' it's seven inches, too.

Chorus

Anything but metric! (Anything but metric!)
We'll measure it in bananas an' in eagles an' in cars,
in football fields an' swimming pools an' how far it is to bars!
Anything but metric! (Anything but metric!)
It's twenty-five million bananas
from sea to shining sea!

Verse 2

Lady Liberty is five hundred twenty-three bananas tall,
an' a football field's five hundred fourteen, goal line to goal line, that's all.
The Golden Gate's main span is seven thousand two hundred, end to end,
an' the faces up on Rushmore are a hundred three apiece, my friend.

Chorus

Verse 3

So I went down to the zoo to get the gorilla for scale, (for scale!)
held a banana up beside him, leanin' way out on the rail.
He looked at the banana, an' he looked at me, real slow,
then he took the banana, an' my arm, an' my phone.

Verse 4

Now I'm in the E.R. with a cast up to my chin,
an' the doctor says the fracture's 'bout three centimeters in.
I said, Doc, this is America! Now say it like you should!
So he squinted at the X-ray: 'Bout a sixth of a banana. Good.

Bridge

An' the gorilla kept my phone, an' that night he made a post, (a post!)
a picture of me screamin' on the rail, white as a ghost.
Fifty thousand upvotes, an' the caption, plain as day:
Human for scale. (Human for scale!)

Final Chorus

Outro

This song was three minutes long. Or about... nine bananas.

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